Raisons d’être: Beyond the Light – Chapter 21: A Lone Star (1)

The idea of things having a chance to work out always makes me excited, but it is also what kills me at the same time because you start to build up expectations and start to overthink when things don’t go accordingly to plan, and then you start predicting the fall, start finding flaws in yourself, which ultimately destroy the relationship before the relationship destroys you. It’s a whole internal torture, and the only person doing it to you is yourself; just like what I’m doing to myself right now.

I stared at them with wariness and only came to my senses when I heard Estelle gasped in shock as I saw her flinched in surprise while she witnessed my never-could’ve-I-imagine-I-would-behave-this-way behavior.

For the first time, I put all my defensive acts together, right in front of Estelle and Nouvel at that. As I curled up in the corner of the room, Asher carefully hid me behind him and having him standing in front of me and shielding me with that strong and huge body made me somehow feel so reassured. Yet, I just couldn’t stop myself from trembling pitifully and the Isla’s suggestion to return to the emperor’s quarter scared me the most.

Though Kieran is no longer around, and I don’t have to walk on an eggshell anymore, or pretend to be a sweet, dumb, innocent child who only idolized her dad. Actually, I could have accepted the idea, and enjoyed all the luxury and VVIP treatment in the emperor’s palace, but even so I despises the idea. I swear, I don’t want to return to that place anymore.

Trust me, I know, I shouldn’t have acted this way and should’ve been selfish for once and take advantage of Kieran’s absence without being afraid that he would take my life with a single unintentional mistake I made and everything I could get my hands on. More importantly, not in front of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. Especially, when all this time, this is what I want most; every single night, I desperately prayed to the stars to be separated from Kieran, I wished for him to forget me for good and just leave me alone, so when the time right time comes, I could run away from this rotten place… because all I want is to survive.

In fact, now I feel guilty towards myself for feeling hurt and crying for him; I have shed too many tears for someone who doesn’t deserve the honor of receiving this grand gesture and my tears are too precious for a person like him! Moreover, the bastard made me cry bitterly has already run away and isn’t here to take any blame and responsibility.

I cursed and cursed, but I don’t feel better at all.

He got my hopes up and when I felt like I was in cloud nine, he crushed it down to the ground, shattering my heart to pieces. I think his heart has softened a bit, since he never left my side when I had fall unconscious for days because the fever or was it all just my imagination?

The moment I heard her intention to bring me back to the emperor’s quarter, I immediately retreated back out of her reach and Asher instantly be on his feet, while keep alternately changing his attitude from growling when everybody showed the slightest attempt to come near me to whimpering that full of concern right away after he takes a look at me and seeing my trembling body and messy face.

Asher was about to growl again when he detects movement from the other side of the party, but soon he gave up his intention as soon as he saw Isla sitting down, kneeling on the floor. He moved his body aside, not too far away from me, buy only to give me enough space to clearly see Isla.

I feel bad. Especially, when she has that gentle expression on her face, and I could feel my inside slowly warmed up. She smiled weakly and opened her mouth, about to say something but seems hesitating for a bit.

“Your Highness, please don’t cry.” She said finally, “You seem to have misinterpreted my words, we have no intention of forcing you to return to the emperor’s palace if that is what you wish, my lovely princess.”

I calmed a little after hearing her words.

“Really?” I asked for certainty.

She laughed a little, hearing my question and nodded right away and unconsciously, my smile bloomed once I felt reassured that Isla and the other wouldn’t lie to me.

“You may choose where you wish to stay, and we are happy to follow your orders.”

Isla’s modest and sincere demeanor blended perfectly with the warmth atmosphere surrounded her and I was mesmerized once again by her.

“I want to stay here…” I say quietly, still sobbing due to the after effect of my frantic crying.

After I expressed my wish, Isla wholeheartedly smiled to me before bidding her farewell saying that she would start preparation for my moving to Iris Palace. Almost immediately after Isla left, Estelle tried to approach me but reluctant to do so.

Oh my, I really feel bad, looked what I’ve done to my sweet and kind Estelle.

As I felt another wave of crying surge in my chest, I stood up and toddled over to her, I stretched my arms out in the air, asking for a hug.

Please forgive me, Estelle. And unspoken apology.

I could see her expression soften, she felt relieved.

I’ve made her sad, but she took me to her arms, lifting me up securely and started to pat my back gently. It’s soothing; her warmth, her calm and caring voice, I love how her clear voice made me feel refreshed and I feel drunk on her smell that started to envelop me.

I looked up, straight to Estelle’s clear green eyes, she made me feels like there is this indescribable tingling sensation that starts soaring from the corner of my heart and we giggled as I snuggled in her embrace. As soon as I felt less tensed as the tension from my small body evaporated into the thin air, I felt so calm and relaxed that I didn’t realise I had fallen asleep in Estelle’s arms.

The last thing I heard before drifted to dreamland was Estelle’s weak whisper, I couldn’t comprehend what she was talking about because my brain has decided to shut down due to lack of energy, also a fleeting thought that the next time I see Kieran again, I will definitely curse him. Well, maybe not immediately, but at least once I will definitely do it before I run away from this hopeless imperial palace.



What you guys think? Will Keisha really able to curse at Kieran at least once in her life? Especially, when she clearly afraid of him?

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About KeiRhee

Absurd, best described him and how we fell in love. Creo quia absurdum est.

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