Raisons d’être: Beyond the Light – Chapter 15: A Lone Sun (4)

Someone forced my mouth open and fed me something. It was bitter, which made my nose burn; that was the kind of level that bitterness had. If I wasn’t sick, I would never drink it. 

My throat was burning; I wanted water, I was so thirsty. It also made me gasped for air. Why was my body so hot? Every muscle in my body ached and my nose was stuffy, everything was driving me crazy. As I swiveled around, my forehead felt cooler. I assumed someone had put something wet yet cool on my burning skin. 

“How unsightly.” 

Well, sorry about that. However, his voice… sounded a bit hoarse. I wonder if he even realized it, and I tried my best to open my eyes. But I couldn’t open them. 

My eyelids were really heavy, it took me a lot of effort to barely lift them up a little, just to find Kieran frown gliding before my eyes. It made me couldn’t help but think: I was the one who’s sick, but why was he making a face as if he’s the one suffering? 

Still, the wet cloth on my forehead was cool. As my mind was slipping away, I heard Kieran’s next words. 

“All of you are excused, I’ll stay here.” 

Then, another deep silence floated in the room. At that moment, I shook myself with a cough that burst out of my neck. My throat hurts. I felt like it was about to rip apart just from coughing. As I was busy complaining in my hazy mind, I could feel someone was moving next to me. 

“Damn it.” 

His voice was running in my ears, a little whisper. That faint curse was the last thing I heard before I was taken back into the realm of dreams. 

I was dying. 

Truthfully, I never knew what it really felt like to be truly close to death until this moment came; I lost track of time and I didn’t know how many times the sky brightened and then darkened over and over again as time went by, but one thing for sure, after the pain that had been gnawing at me for the past few days finally subsided, at last I felt much better and finally able to open my swollen eyes a little. 

The moonlight that hits my eyes for some reason was so bright and dazzling, which at the same time also made me unconsciously raised both of my hands to block the light from hitting directly onto my eyes, yet at the same time it was ticklish to the point it made me chuckled softly as my eyes were still half-opened. 

It was at that moment when I felt something cool gently land on my head. 

“Sleep.” He said in a low voice. 

I couldn’t see Kieran’s expressions clearly, but the feeling of security and comfort that I managed to sense soon made me feel sleepy all over again. And I really didn’t expect that the figure of this man would one day disappear without leaving a single trace. Moreover, I wouldn’t even think that very figure who sat right beside me at the moment… would be the one I look for the most in the future. 


If I was being honest, this was the first time for me to suffer to such extent just because of a fever. Yet, have you ever felt so refreshed as if you’ve been reborn after going through such difficult times? Because I was feeling it right now with all the senses in my entire body, and it felt d*mn good. 

I blinked my eyes. 

Normally, as soon as I wake up, I still have that feeling where my eyelids felt so heavy to lift or to leave them open for a long time. However, this morning the sun hadn’t even fully risen—the sky that was visible through the window was still colored in dusty blue, but as soon as I opened my eyes… I never had such feeling like this before, a feeling of freshness and relief—when my lungs expand as much as they possibly can from being filled with air, the moment I took a deep breath.  

Then, I blinked my eyes several more times at the lingering disbelief, and a sense of emptiness quickly followed; I quickly lifted my body up, supporting it atop my tiny buttocks. I looked left and right, then back again to left, scanned the entire room, only to find nothing. There was absolutely nothing, no Kieran or the clingy Asher. There was no loving presence of Estelle or the overly friendly presence of Nouvel. There was no presence of any other living beings, except mine. 

Strange, wasn’t it? After all the commotion that happened the night when I fell sick… it would really be weird if there wasn’t anyone—being hysteric or whatever, around me the seconds I opened my eyes and had recovered, right? 

As I started to ponder over the strange events, I didn’t know anything about what was going on. But on the other hand, this was what makes it fun to live in a palace: There is nothing that can truly be called curiosity, and there is no curiosity that cannot be satisfied. Because as long as you live in the palace, always remember that there are eyes and ears everywhere. Thus, you can always be either one of them—spying or being spied on, eavesdropping or being eavesdropped on. 

So, in case you were wondering, this time I preferred to be the former. 

Kieran’s palace was always quiet because Kieran preferred it that way, so he accumulated the number of maids and knights in his palace to a minimum number, and at a time like this, that fact stood in my favor. However, there were two things that got in the way: First, how to—safely—get off this colossal bed? And secondly, how to get out of this extremely spacious room?  

Hey—I mean—let’s be realistic! I’m a baby, so I can’t possibly get down of this bed on my own with my tiny feet or push the goddamn door with my baby strength. 


However, if there is a will there will be a way—well, that’s what I believe. Anyway, at first, I was ready to endure the pain when I decided to throw myself off the bed, but the baby’s diaper, which was securely and comfortably attached to my bottom, felt very soft, as the result I didn’t feel the slightest pain when my bottom met the floor. Instead, I felt like I was being tickled. Thus, I chuckled a little out of surprise. 

Then, walking on my toddler’s legs that are pretty much still unstable and must squeezed a lot of struggle and effort out of me, especially since I need to walk from one end of the room to the other. 


And that was the sound when another piece of my luck came rushing over to me; when I was close to the door, suddenly someone opened the door, and made me automatically hidden perfectly behind the door without harm. 

They didn’t immediately take a step in even though they had the door opened, instead they stood and remained in their respective positions—preferring to converse in low voices, as if whispering. 

“I feel sorry for the princess, when everyone started to think that His Majesty’s heart had warmed up and he had opened it, willing to accept his only daughter-” 

The girl tried to say the words that came out of her mouth as gently and carefully as possible. Could it be that she was afraid of other people listening to the comments she was about to make, who was a maid toward her master? Or was she afraid her sassy comment would sound loud enough to wake me up, who she thought was lying weak with a fever on bed? 

I didn’t know for sure, but the latter was very unlikely to happen, right? 

“The young miss was thrown away again. Daisy, I’ve been hearing the same sh*t over and over for the past week.” 

Yup, it was very unlikely to happen. 

Unlike the other girl who was trying to be careful, this one didn’t seem to care that much, well, she didn’t seem to bother with courtesy from the very beginning; She was pretty aggressive with her choice of words and tones. 

Then, she continued, “but, rather than being thrown away again, wouldn’t it be more appropriate to say that she was back to where she belonged?” 

I didn’t know your problem, but this is upsetting. 

“But Ruth, isn’t His Majesty the Emperor just going to war? What’s more, it’s not like it’s for the first time he’s done this.” Daisy said, as she adjusted the tone of her speech to sound more upbeat and positive. 

Instead of Ruth she should be called Rude, that would be more suitable for her. 

And I couldn’t help but sneer at her. 


[A/N] What was it that Keisha actually felt the moment she faced this situation? Betrayed? Contempt? And, what was it that Kieran really thought by leaving his daughter the moment when everyone, and maybe, even himself had thought otherwise, that his heart had soften towards his one and only daughter?

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About KeiRhee

Absurd, best described him and how we fell in love. Creo quia absurdum est.

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