Raisons d’être: Beyond the Light – Chapter 1: Daughter of a Ruthless Bastard

Feeling my hair blowing wildly with the breeze, I cast my gaze forward–towards the light, just breaking through the trees. In the distance, there was a large building—a beautiful mansion—with a gorgeous garden filled with various flowers and hemmed in by the trees. There, I also found a bunch of people, some were relaxing while chatting, and some were just standing or sitting quietly, maybe enjoying the view?  Or was it the peaceful atmosphere? And the others, who looked much younger and shorter were joking with each other playfully while playing—trying to catch up with one another beside the lake—laughing heartily. Looking as happy and peaceful as ever. 

I just stood still in my place, not moving at all, enjoying these sights. 

This world is shrouded in bright light and eerie darkness and there is me stuck in the middle; a child who didn’t want to be considered special. 

I was called a ‘special’ child, but being a special child is dangerous. Scary. It is not uncommon for one to be killed painfully and horribly, multiple times. If you are just a normal kid, I envy you.  

Being special doesn’t mean you will also get that so-called special treatment. All your desires fulfilled; all your wishes granted. It doesn’t work that way.  

At worst, all the attention is on you, don’t you think too much attention can be a burden too? What’s more, when you get that attention from unusual beings? A God, for example. A God who once abandoned that very child. 

There are two reasons why I am called a special child. First, I’m considered special because I can survive even after being abandoned by a God. And secondly, I’m special because I got the attention of the God who had thrown me away. How ironic but being called ‘special’ was like a double-edged sword. It could protect me, but it could also work in reverse.  

Besides, you wouldn’t want to deal with my situation. Unless you’ve got some crazy desire to meet a talking animal with a nasty temper, you shouldn’t even think about finding an ancient ritual altar in the middle of the lake under the old ruins in the forbidden land. You wouldn’t even want to imagine how horrid the Cursed Witch looks like. 

So, what makes me worthy to be called that? Let me tell you a story, the story that begins with me, who lived the most turbulent life in history, a person who doesn’t want to be tied down by the ropes of fate and tried to change it.  

Let’s go back, far back, to the point where the beginning itself has not yet begun. 


It was shortly after the birth when I regained my consciousness. I know that sounded a little strange, but it really was a day ago that I was born. Up until then, everything I am was sunk deep in the water amidst a dream, a very long dream. A dream that felt so real that it left goosebumps all over my body.  

As my sight became clearer, I felt like I’m in a familiar place. And yet at the same time, I had no certain idea where I was, and I hoped this wasn’t real. I found myself in an extremely uncomfortable and annoying state, it seems like my surroundings became bigger? At least that’s how I felt. 


I opened my mouth in frustration, but what came out wasn’t a proper word. I just wanted to say: “This is so annoying,” but instead, I frowned at the feeling of my toothless gums hitting each other. I raised my hand, it was a reflexive action to touch my mouth out of surprise, but my hand froze midway because of another surprise. 


I find a small and delicate hand that could break anytime in front of my eyes. 


I tried to rationalize my situation, but I found no answer. So, I decided to stop thinking and start asking myself, inside my little head. 

What’s up with this weird voice? And why am I in the middle of a corridor? 

Rather than asking and wondering the reason how and why I was here. That was the first question that appeared in my mind. 

Clank… clank-clank… clank… 

The sound of iron being dragged on the floor grabbed and pulled me out of my thoughts. I really had a bad feeling about this. 

“Greetings, His Majesty the Emperor. May blessings and glory be with the Monarch of the Kryfi Empire.” 

The announcement came from a group of tastefully dressed young women. It came loudly and suddenly, scaring me a little. Then came silence. Aside from the drapery dancing gently in the breeze, everyone and everything stopped, time itself seemed to stand still. All, but one. I couldn’t see my surroundings very well, but I saw clearly when a handsome black-haired man appeared in front of me. His crimson-red eyes caught me off guard, an alluring red that reminded me of rubies. 

He is tall with broad shoulders, a well-built figure. His gaze, emotionless and cold. I shuddered. It felt as though his eyes were stabbing holes into mine.  

Well… nothing has changed from his appearance, handsome and youthful as ev- 

Huh? He looks familiar somehow–!  

Holy sh*t! This man was the man who appeared in my dream, the man who killed his own daughter…  

Don’t tell me… 

Eii, it’s impossible, I sing-songed, tried to deny my thoughts, but the truth had been served right up to me and everything was too clear and real for me to hope otherwise. 

Am I… a baby!? 

He wasn’t too close, but I could see traces of dried blood on his clothes and skin. And because I couldn’t see his lower abdomen, I could assume that I wasn’t lying on the floor, but on top of something that was quite high. 

This is crazy. 

Why did this unlucky figure from my dream suddenly pop up in front of me? I didn’t know the exact reason, but that dream… that long, long dream. 

In my dream, there was a girl who died miserably, in the hands of her own father, for whom she had great admiration and respect. When my dream ended with her death in a dreadful forest, I could feel her soul cry out for a moment. 

Ugh, what a bad omen. 

Bad thoughts, get out of my brain! 

However, after observing the current situation, it seems like I am in a condition where it wasn’t much different from the girl in my dream. The difference was, unlike that dreadful forest, this was a bright and calming place, filled with birdsong and soothing winds. 

How… am I here? 

Finally, the right question came out. 

The heavy silence subsided. Expressionless and cold, those insensitive eyes looked down at me with great arrogance. His eyes resembling that of a dead fish–empty and dull, and his facial muscles hung just as loose. There was no anger, no sadness, no joy nor resentment. He simply seemed… bored or was it just emptiness? 

He drew back his lazy eyelids and met my gaze. Then, something changed. 

Instantly, emotions flashed through his elaborate ruby eyes, brimming with astonishment. He stared down at me. His red eyes seemed to grow brighter for a second–eyes could never lie. It was as if he was holding himself back, to the point where his eyes glowed with repressed emotions. Was he grinding his teeth, or was that just my imagination? 

Those eyes looking down at me made me thirsty for some reason. Was this a side-effect of being under too much pressure? 

“So, this thing is my child?”  

He said this coldly and lazily. It was as if all the emotions he showed earlier, even if it only for a moment, were mere illusions.  

No, thank you. 

I am not. 

I quickly refuted his statement, even though he couldn’t read my mind. 

Me? Your child? Haha- you make me want to laugh.  

This uncomfortably small body will grow into that of the girl who will die miserably in your hands? Was that a dream, or a memory? Whatever it was, I don’t care, and I won’t care. 

Nonetheless, he kept staring at me. Very intensely at that. 

Oh, come on! 

Are you kidding me? I would rather be the woman who will become your concubine. All I need to do is to be a good mother and wife, and I will probably live a long and pampered life! 

In that dream I had, it showed me that the first time she ever saw her father was on her eighth birthday, surrounded by the lights and the noise of the banquet. Of course, her father turned away and left, uninterested. Yet, for a young girl like her who had never received any affection from him, it was quite a fateful encounter. In the end, her dream got shattered to pieces when the emperor’s concubine entered the palace. 

She loses everything she had and never gets anything she ever wanted. On top of all that, on her sixteenth birthday, poor Keisha will be killed by her own father. 

Ha! That god-like beauty isn’t suited to be in the presence of such a madman. 

“Y-your majesty!” 

“Your majesty!” 

I didn’t realize it before, but when he moved, the voices of bewildered women followed. He walked past me, and my newborn ears immediately caught the sound of screaming women. The screams grew increasingly fierce, getting wilder and wilder.  

Despite everything else that was going on, this endless wave of voices became too overwhelming for me. I could feel this little body starting to break out in cold sweat and tremble out of fear. I pinched my eyes shut with great effort, as if it would drown out the noise. Only when the screams had subsided, did I decide to cautiously peel open my eyes. 

I blinked as my vision refocused itself. He had moved and was now in front of me again. The white fabric that covered his body—which were already decorated with traces of dried blood—was now wet with fresh blood. And a terrible, intense smell of blood, a smell like dry, rusty iron penetrated my lungs.  

Fresh blood slowly crawling down his face. Everything about blood made me dizzy, I suddenly felt like throwing up. I hated this feeling, when I find blood to be a terrible thing, yet it also gives an inexplicable feeling of comfort.  

And like there was a leap in time, suddenly, the distance between us drastically reduced, my cheeks swelled by themselves.  

His face was full of hatred and ice, his eyes were sharp when he looked at me, and his eyes seems to tell me: ‘Your sin was being born.’ 

 “Your majesty…” 

I could hear the voice of another man, but I didn’t have the chance to see what the man looked like, because it was around my neck. Yes, I had a big hand around my neck. 

I stared up at the pupil of the fellow who was holding my neck. His eyes were looking down at me and it was more threatening to look up at him, but the fear it induced was not enough to kill me. 

I took a short breath and suddenly, I remembered.  

In my dream, when she was five years old, she overheard the maids gossiping about her mother. Her mother died while giving birth to her. Then, that wicked man killed everyone in the Iris Palace. In other words, this place. It seems that day was today. 

I didn’t want to admit it, but my new life was already 90% sh*t. 

If I had to die, why was I born in the first place? Are you kidding? Do I look like a damn joke!? 

I sighed with lamentation and tears in my heart. 

I could hear the particularly small breath of a baby. 

He must have heard it too. The emperor’s eyes were showing a bright brilliance. It looked strange that I did not react to him even though he held my neck with a hand. That was weird for me too. 

“… Your majesty.” 

An agitated voice could be heard behind him for the second time. 

I felt pathetic hearing that flustered voice. Well, that was normal though. Anyway, I could not believe I am this calm even after facing an immediate threat to my life. Was it because of my experience of being dead once already? 

Fine, kill me if that’s what you want, I don’t mind it anyway. 

I guess it was because I gave up this life as soon as I was born. Well, I mean, would a mass-murderer that even killed his own father, the late Emperor Leodrick Leif Elaine, stepmother and step-brothers along with all the contents of the concubines palace, really let it slide just because I’m his biological daughter? And it wasn’t like I could beg him to spare my life, you know… what a mere baby could do anyway? 

No problem, I am prepared enough to die again. 

Yeah, if he would kill me, then do it quick.  

His eyes that was not a father’s eyes… 

Oh my life, what is the point of being reborn when that fellow is my father?  

His eyebrows frowned, although only for a short while, I could see his brows furrowed slightly and then there was a hint of a grin on his face before it returned flat again. He pulled off his hand that wrapping around my neck. 


His lips moved; his eyes went wider filled with anger. Suddenly, the cold hand holding my neck disappeared. He grinned as I shook my head against the sudden vacancy. 

“You don’t even cry? I can’t feel your anima or mana flowing within you, without me killing you, you’re going to die anyway,” 

He said, making me confused. 

What the f*ck are you talking about? Anima? Mana? 

Just kill me already! 

“I wonder how long this thing can live in accordance to its name.” He continued, with cold, sharp eyes showing hatred. 

He turned around, and just walked away without giving a second glance. 

H-hey! Where are you going? 

Come back! 

F*ck, you let me live? 

I couldn’t even be grateful for the fact that he let me live. 

I froze, suddenly the thought of screaming women and the intense smell of blood pass by, although I wasn’t afraid to be killed again, I didn’t think he would kill the others that easily. This is so frustrating. 

What will it take for you to love me, so I can survive? 

Well, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter because I don’t intend to see you again. If I don’t see you… that’s mean, there won’t be a chance for you to kill me. I made up my mind, at least that was what I believed and I told myself before, but this was not even the start and that was the first encounter between a mad tyrant and I, as his one and only daughter. 


Welcome to the boat!

When we are like, ‘Life is good,’ fate will go, ‘No, life is a series of disastrous moments, painful moments, and things that will break your heart.’ But in between those moments, unexpected things bounds to happen…

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About KeiRhee

Absurd, best described him and how we fell in love. Creo quia absurdum est.

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