Note: This fanfic might contain spoilers Its about Korean Jesse’s Past. There are no character lines in the story, just simple narration. I hope you enjoy it.
If there was a painful memory Jesse couldn’t forget. It would be the day of their parents’ death.
The first thing he recalled is when their parents are saying goodbyes to them for they will be out for their anniversary.
Have he known that these goodbyes would be permanent, he wouldn’t have let them go.
Jesse remembered his mother trying to leave them with a goodbye kiss but they refused. Thinking that they’re grown up now so she didn’t need to do so. That time, his brother was already in highschool and in two years, he will also be with him. So her mother tried to kiss Eunseo instead but she was still sleepy so she groaned as if complaining.
Jesse could still hear his father’s voice telling his brother to take care of them and they’ll be back in two days.
But that promise was never fulfilled.
It’s a phone call that will change the siblings lives.
His brother was already preparing to meet their parents while Jesse was already thinking of the food that they will bring home from their journey and Eunso was anticipating a dinosaur souvenir from the shop. But what came to them was a call saying their parents were caught up in an accident.
Jesse could clearly remember his Brother’s trembling hands as he put the receiver down.
There was no change of words between them but Jesse understood that something bad had happened.
He had never seen his brother shaken like that.
As his brother stated the news, Jesse could feel a tear escaping his eyes.
Eunso cries broke the silence that was very deafening.
They went to the hospital with their aunt to confirm the bodies.
Amidst all that, his brother remained a poker face.
Jesse holds Eunso’s hands while crying and their brother talks with their aunts about the funeral arrangements.
In a day or two, everything was arranged. Relatives who came will always tell them how sorry they are for what happened as they tapped the shoulder of his brother. Jesse brought coffee to every table while Eunso was sleeping beside their aunt. She was not done with tears but she was tired and fell asleep.
Jesse wondered if devastating was enough of a word to describe what he was feeling right now.
For a while, everyone has gone already and as he was cleaning up, his brother stood up and say he’s going to the bathroom (he’s brother never left even if they persuaded him to rest and let him take shifts) that’s why he was concerned on what his brother trying to do so he followed him after telling his aunt that he will go out and please take care of Eunseo.
But his brother was never headed to the bathroom. He went outside. He kept on walking. And Jesse kept on following him. Je wondered if his brother had any place in mind but seeing as he was just walking straight ahead even bumping on strangers without care. He knew his brother needed to just go away. He too is also feeling suffocated by the stares they are receiving, by the sorry words they kept on hearing.
Seeing that he was okay, Jesse was about to go back when his brother suddenly slumped down in the grass. Jesse ran towards him and then he heard it.
The muffled cries his brother have been bearing.
His brother could have just cursed the world and the situation they are in. He could have told Jesse that he was hurting. That he couldn’t carry the responsibility alone.
That it was too heavy and he was not ready.
But he never complained. And he never showed them that he was tired.
He was this strong being. In Jesse’s eyes he was a superhero. Back when they were kids when he taught Jesse everything.
But this strong being was crumbling right before him. He was crying on his own.
And Jesse thought that the word devastated was really not for him. It was for the brother who took the burden as if a gift was being passed down. It was for the back that was arched in the middle of the night in the middle of who knows where. It was for this person who shook every relative’s hand in offer for comfort.
Jesse felt unfair. Why does it have to be them?Why? Why?
He stared at the sky as if questioning the mighty being underneath the clouds. But there was never an answer. Instead the sky rained purple comets. Drowning the sight of stars. As if it was crying with him and his family. With their misery.
Jesse felt the bitterness with himself. He pondered
How come the sky is still lovely in his eyes when all he felt right now is wretchedness?